


All or Nothing

by sometimes_i_am_lola



Series: Wildfire [4]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, Eudora Patch Needs A Hug, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Not Beta Read, Pseudo-Incest, The Author Regrets Nothing, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 02:32:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18437195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sometimes_i_am_lola/pseuds/sometimes_i_am_lola
Summary: A different point of view is the beginning of the end for some and just the beginning for others. Vanya and Diego never meant to hurt anyone. They never even realized they were.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This series has gotten such an overwhelming response and I'm so thankful for all of you. It's amazing writing for this fandom. I've gotten so much encouragement and it's helped me write so much more and so quickly. All of you are amazing. This fic offers some insight to Vanya and Diego's feelings and is based before I hate u, I love u and Gone but after Hands On You. The song is All or Nothing by O-town. A bit old school but a favorite song of mine. Enjoy.

 

**_I know when he's been on your mind, that distant look is in your eyes, I thought with time you'd realize, it's over, over,_ **

**_It's not the way I choose to live, and something, some where's got to give, as sharing this relationship gets older, older_ **

**_You know I'd fight for you, but how I can fight someone who isn't even there,_ **

**_I've had the rest of you, now I want the best of you, I don't care if that's not fair,_ **

 

JPOV

 

They’ve been dating for a while now and John had thought it was going well. Three months in and they’re still getting to know each other but he’s been enjoying it. Vanya is such a sweet and beautiful woman. He’d met her at the bookstore and he’d been nervous to ask her out. It was a book signing, after all, for her book. Her autobiography. She’d been so shy and quiet unless she was reading an excerpt. He’d liked seeing the blush on her cheeks as he’d flirted with her.

 

Last Friday, they’d been on a date, just one of many, and he’d felt her hand tighten in his, her arm tensing. He’d noticed the man and woman walking toward them. The woman was pretty with naturally tan skin and dark hair and eyes. The man was similar, though his skin was a bit darker, maybe a shade or two. The woman was fairly tall for a woman and dressed in a knee length cocktail dress. The dress was dark red and feminine with a thin lace overlay. Her hair was half up, the bottom half curling around her bare shoulders. Her lips matched her dress.

 

John hadn’t been able to keep himself from comparing her outfit to Vanya’s. Fitted black slacks, a royal blue shirt that was buttoned all the way to her throat, and a blue vest that was dark enough to be nearly black. Her shirt was tucked in under the vest and the sleeves were rolled up to expose her forearms. Her dark hair is short, cut much like a boy’s but kind of shaggy and that night she’d styled it a little, gave it a punk vibe that made her suit seem edgy. Her only concession to femininity was her make-up, which she rarely wears unless they’re on a date that’s dressier. She wore dark liner and shadow on her eyes and light reddish lipstick that was almost the same color as her natural lips.

 

The guy that was with the woman was dressed up, too, but there was something about him. Something familiar and dangerous. Maybe it was the scar on his eyebrow and the one on the side of his head. Maybe it was the glare on his face, his narrowed eyes or the way he barely looked at John but stared hard at Vanya who wouldn’t look at him for more than a few seconds at a time.

 

The man was wearing black slacks, a black shirt, a black tie, and a black brocade vest with leather trim on the lapels and little silver skulls for buttons. John could see at least three knives on the man and he’d had to wonder how many more weren’t visible. Because then, he’d remembered who that man was. Diego Hargreeves, the Kraken.

 

Then, he’d also understood why he’d glared at Vanya and why Vanya wouldn’t look back. Or, he’d thought he had, at the time.

 

Slowly, over days, he’d started to piece things together. He’d read ‘Extra Ordinary’, he knew that none of the Umbrella Academy were related by blood and they didn’t pretend to be. They weren’t actual siblings and the Academy had been more like a boarding school for special children. And Vanya wasn’t special like them so she’d been cast to the side. Allowed to live there but not allowed to participate.

 

Vanya had told him from the beginning that she wasn’t sure what he expected from their relationship and from her and she didn’t know if she could give it. She’d had one serious relationship and when it had ended, she’d been devastated and unwilling to try again. She didn’t want to love that deeply again, didn’t think that she could.

 

John had respected that, or tried to. They’d taken things slow and kept it mostly casual but he’d found himself seriously falling for her. He wanted more and he was sure that she could give it if she just tried.

 

Now, though, after piecing things together, after the looks shared that night and the information he’d previously been given, he thinks that maybe Diego Hargreeves is mad about more than that book being published. Vanya’s avoidance of everything Hargreeves didn’t cloud the pain and longing in her eyes as the other woman, Eudora, had wrapped an arm around Diego’s waist and gushed about how nice it was to finally meet Vanya. Diego’s arm had automatically wrapped around the woman’s shoulders and Vanya’s arms had wrapped around herself.

 

She’d made polite small talk for a few minutes before telling them that she really had to be on her way. John had made his apologies and hurried after her.

 

Sitting in the café now, he watches her as she stares out the window, her gaze seeing things that aren’t there, her eyes clouded with memories. And he knows, he just knows, that she’s thinking about Diego. He doesn’t know how he knows, it’s just something in her expression, the sadness and regret in her eyes.

 

And he’s hoping that with enough time, enough distance, she can relegate those thoughts and memories back to the back of her mind instead of constantly distracting her as they are now.

 

**_2x7_ **


	2. Chapter 2

 

**_‘Cause I want it all, or nothing at all, there's nowhere left to fall, when you reach the bottom it's now or never,_ **

**_Is it all or are we just friends, is this how it ends, with a simple telephone call, you leave me here with nothing at all,_ **

**_There are times it seems to me, I'm sharing you with memories, I feel it in my heart, But I don't show it, show it,_ **

**_And then there's times you look at me, as though I'm all that you can see, those times I don't believe it's right, I know it, know it,_ **

 

EPOV

 

Three days after their wonderful date with its bad ending, Eudora can’t stop thinking about her jealous response to Diego’s attitude on Friday. They way he’d looked at Vanya’s date as if he was less than, as if he wasn’t even there. That had bothered her because his eyes had moved to Vanya and seemed to stay there.

 

The man with Vanya, John, he’d introduced himself as, was attractive in a clean cut sort of way. He wasn’t very tall, about the same height as Eudora herself, maybe an inch or two shorter, with blonde hair and hazel eyes. A slim build and lean face made almost pretty by full lips and long lashes. He didn’t really match with what little she knew of Vanya. She’d heard that the woman was tough and had an attitude that was a little more on the brash side. Her diminutive form hid a woman that didn’t just walk on the wild side, she thrived on it.

 

Eudora had heard a few stories of defiance and a type of boldness that most refrained from.

 

Meeting the woman, she didn’t get a sense of any of that. She seemed quiet and shy, a little withdrawn from the world and a lot like she was a scared puppy just waiting on someone to kick her. Her physical looks, the hair, make-up, and clothes had belied her stature and her meekness. She had half a mind to figure Diego had imagined some of the drunken stories he’d told her. That was the only time he’d talk about Vanya, really.

 

Now, Eudora knows why.

 

She cringes when she thinks about the possessive way she’d wrapped an arm around Diego and then had inwardly smiled at Vanya’s reaction. Eudora isn’t that type of person. She likes to believe she’s a good person and she doesn’t like to cause anyone unnecessary pain or harm. She’d done both last night by being petty.

 

They’d argued when they’d gotten back to her house that night. Diego had been in a bad mood for the rest of the night until they’d gotten to her place. Tired of it and unable to get the encounter out of her head, he’d slammed the door and she’d glared at him, telling him that he didn’t need to come to bed until he quit acting like a child.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He’d asked her and she’d scoffed.

 

Then, she’d ripped into him about his attitude and his anger and need to fight. She’d screamed about things she could barely remember now, only hurling whatever words she thought would hurt him at the time. He hadn’t said much, just stood there. He was always better at fighting than her, always better at having the last word.

 

“You done?” He’d asked her as she’d stopped to take a breath. She’d glared and Diego had walked past her to the bedroom. She’d thought he’d gone in there to go to bed but when she went to follow him he came back out with his bag packed, always efficient when it came to getting things done.

 

Eudora had asked him where he was going and he’d simply looked at her for a moment. Then, he’d dropped his bag and turned to face her again.

 

“I’m going home. Back to my place.” He’d told her. “I won’t listen to a hypocrite. You say I’m acting like a child and yet you’re the one throwing a tantrum in the living room, screaming and stomping your feet when I’ve done and said _nothing_ for you to act that way. I slammed the door, that’s it. And maybe I shouldn’t have but I’m allowed to be angry, Eudora. I spent a long time not allowed to express my feelings, barely allowed to have them. I won’t apologize for it now and I can’t believe that, after everything, you’d want me to.”

 

When her front door closed behind him with a soft click she’d started crying, wondering what exactly she’d just done.

 

Sitting on her couch now, a half-empty bottle of whiskey on her table and a half-full glass in her hand, she listens to the sounds of Diego in the shower. They’d talked Sunday and he’d come over and spent the night and day. It’s night again and he’d gotten up a little while ago and gotten in the shower to get ready for his patrol that night. She’s been drinking since before he’d gotten up.

 

The shower turns off and she can hear him moving around. He eventually makes it into the living room. He’s wearing black tactical pants, a black long-sleeved shirt, black leather gloves, and black combat boots. His harness that holds his knives is strapped onto his torso. A tactical thigh holster holds more knives and he has a ka-bar on each calf, strapped to the outside of his boots.

 

It’s an interesting sight and if she wasn’t drunk and in a bad mood she’d take advantage of it.

 

Instead, she stands up, swaying softly on her feet before she gets ahold of herself.

 

“Tell me, Diego, why try to impress a man that’s never going to be impressed?” She asks him. “Or are you too scared to give up that part of your life?”

 

“You’re drunk, Eudora.” That’s the only answer she gets so she pushes.

 

“Are you scared to try to be something new? Are you scared that if you try to be something else that you’ll actually have to let go and move on?”

 

“Don’t do this.”

 

“Why, Diego?” Eudora asks him as she moves around the coffee table, drink in hand. “Are you scared that the memories will fade? Are you scared that she won’t love you if you’re not the Kraken?”

 

Diego shakes his head at her but she can see the fine edge of panic in his eyes. It angers her and spurs her on, even when part of her is telling her to shut up.

 

“Does she love you, Diego? Did she ever love you? Does she care about you like I do?”

 

He moves towards the door but she moves into his path. She knows he won’t hurt her, not physically, so she isn’t worried about that. He’s already breaking her heart and he isn’t even meaning to. She knows this isn’t really his fault but she hates it and she can’t stop herself from trying to break his, if he even has one.

 

“Does she love you like I know you love her? Does Vanya know that you’re in love with her?”

 

That seems to be the last straw because he turns from the door and repeats his routine from Friday night. He grabs his stuff and leaves. Only this time, she can see that he’s shaken by her words. He’d tried to pull the anger forward but now his face is pale and as he walks past her she can see the depth of the pain in his eyes.

 

Eudora had caused it but she’s not the cause of it. Vanya is.

 

The door slams and she jumps, flinching and dropping her glass as she wonders if she went too far and if this is really the end.

 

**_2x7_ **


	3. Chapter 3

 

**_Don't me make me promises, baby, you never did know how to keep them well,_ **

**_I've had the rest of you, now I want the best of you, it's time for show and tell,_ **

**_'Cause I want it all, or nothing at all, there's nowhere left to fall, when you reach the bottom it's now or never,_ **

**_Is it all or are we just friends, is this how it ends, with a simple telephone call, you leave me here with nothing,_ **

 

JPOV

 

John knows that it’s the end, weeks later. It’s been the end for a while. Maybe they never really began. He can’t really say for sure. He’d thought they had, obviously, but now, thinking back on their time spent together, he realizes that she’d kept things pretty shallow between them. Thinking they were taking it slow, he’d been content with that, but now he sees that she has no room in her to love someone else.

 

Not when it’s so obvious that she loves Diego and maybe has for a while. She’d told him, once, that she’d had one serious relationship and that it had been such a disaster that she didn’t think it was possible for her to have another one.

 

In a moment of arrogance, he’d assumed that he could change her mind. He would be different and she would love him.

 

The few times he’s spent the night over the last few weeks he’s seen that her sleep is getting more and more restless. A few times she’s mumbled things that he couldn’t quite hear. Except for one thing.

 

Diego.

 

It’s always said with so much pain that he never brings it up. He doesn’t want to hurt her any more than she’s already hurting. John doesn’t tell her that he’s hurting, too, because it’s not completely her fault. She’d been honest from the beginning and he only has himself to blame for getting so attached to someone so completely unavailable.

 

Once, about a week ago, he’d gotten startled. He definitely didn’t tell her about it because he likes all of his parts attached, thank you very much.

 

He’d been woken up by her movements and he’d gotten up to get some water and give her time to calm down. He even considered sleeping on the couch. He wouldn’t leave without telling her and he hadn’t wanted to wake her from the sleep she’d barely been getting. He’s hurt but he still cares about her.

 

Getting up, he’d felt the sensation of being watched. Trying to shake it off, he’d left the room and headed for the kitchen. A glance at the open window in the living room had shown him a dark figure on the fire escape and he’d gasped, thinking someone was trying to rob her. Of what, he has no idea, but people do things for the strangest reasons.

 

Then, the figure had disappeared down the fire escape and he’d wondered if they’d seen him and if that had scared them off. Burglars aren’t usually the bravest people. They sneak in and steal, as opposed to robbers who tend to kick in doors.

 

Hurrying to the window to close it, his eyes landed on a figure leaving the alleyway, stray headlights capturing his angry profile for just long enough that John knew it wasn’t an intruder. It was Diego and he’d looked murderous. That was much scarier to him than an intruder. But he hadn’t mentioned it to Vanya because he’s sure that she’d have confronted Diego somehow and then John would be on the chopping block.

 

And telling her wouldn’t do anything but hurt her because he’s sure that Diego wouldn’t hurt Vanya. He’s always had a sense about these things and his intuition has never steered him wrong.

 

John had calmly closed and locked the window before getting his glass of water and sitting on the couch. There’d been too much on his mind after that for him to attempt getting anymore sleep. Turning on the television, he’d flipped through the channels, unable to settle on any one thing as he’d waited for the sun to rise.

 

Vanya never asked him why he’d been up and he was almost glad but disappointed at the same time.

 

Now, they’ve been attempting to watch a movie but he keeps catching Vanya staring at nothing, only her body in the room, her mind elsewhere. About thirty minutes in, he sighs and presses pause then waits.

 

“What’s going on?” Vanya asks after nearly ten minutes of complete silence. She hadn’t even noticed the movie was off.

 

“I don’t think this is working out.” John tells her plainly.

 

“What?” Her confusion is easy to see in her frown and furrowed brows. “I thought it was working fine.”

 

He laughs a little when she glances at the television screen. He has to laugh, he can’t do anything else.

 

“Not the movie. Us. I don’t think we’re working.”

 

“Why not?” Her voice is small as she turns to him, her eyes sad. He’s a little glad to see that because at least she cares a little. Just not enough.

 

“I just think that maybe I underestimated your seriousness when you said you didn’t want a deep relationship, that you wanted to keep it casual.”

 

“I thought we were keeping it casual. I thought we were doing fine.”

 

John wants to bring up Diego but he can’t do it. He just can’t throw that in her face, he’s never been that type of person.

 

“We were, but I fell in love with you and I know that you don’t want that. And I don’t want you to feel like you have to try to love me. But, I do deserve someone who will love me. And only me.”

 

The break-up is as gentle as he can make it. Neither of them cry nor say hurtful things and he leaves with a hug and a promise to get back in touch once he feels like he can be her friend and only her friend. He cares about her but he needs the time to get over her.

 

**_2x7_ **


	4. Chapter 4

 

**_'Cause you and I, could lose it all if you've got no more room, no room inside for me in your life,_ **

**_'Cause I want it all, or nothing at all, there's nowhere left to fall, it's now or never,_ **

**_Is it all or nothing at all, there's nowhere left to fall, when you reach the bottom it's now or never,_ **

**_Is it all or are we just friends, is this how it ends, with a simple telephone call, you leave me here with nothing at all_ **

 

EPOV

 

She doesn’t talk to Diego for two weeks and then one night she calls him and asks him to come over. They don’t bring up the argument and things settle back into a semblance of normality for them.

 

Vanya isn’t brought up again.

 

Then, one night something wakes Eudora and she hears the front door close. Instantly alert, she grabs her service weapon from her nightstand and creeps through her darkened house. Diego isn’t anywhere in the house and she figures that the door closing was him leaving.

 

On a whim, she throws on some clothes and gets into her car, slowly driving around the block until she spots him up ahead.  Hanging back, she lets other cars get between them, keeping just close enough to see where he’s going. She has to figure that something is wrong because otherwise he’d notice her following him. He goes to an apartment building that she’s unfamiliar with and climbs the fire escape. Maybe he got a call from a contact about something going down.

 

Diego lifts the window with ease and crawls inside. She quickly parks her car around the corner of another building and gets out, jogging down the alley Diego had went down she goes a little further and waits.

 

It’s not long before Diego is climbing back out of the window and while she can’t see his face yet, the set of his shoulders tells her that he’s far from happy.

 

He’s down the fire escape quickly and she catches a glimpse of his face, finally, and all she can see is rage. A burning rage that speaks of pain and total devastation. Glancing at the window he’d climbed through, she catches sight of someone closing it and her heart drops as she recognizes Vanya’s boyfriend.

 

Of course.

 

Vanya must be in that apartment and Diego didn’t like seeing her with another man. She doesn’t know if Vanya or the man, John, saw Diego but she supposes it probably doesn’t matter. Either way it went, the outcome obviously wasn’t good or Diego wouldn’t look like he’s seconds away from snapping and murdering someone.

 

With a heavy heart, Eudora slowly makes her way to her car and drives directly home. She climbs back into bed, eyes dry but her heart bleeding. Diego eventually comes stumbling in and she hasn’t been back to sleep yet. He undresses and climbs into bed and all she can smell is tequila.

 

He falls asleep quickly and she slides from the bed to shower and get ready for work, unsure of how she’s going to deal with this. She hopes it’s a one-time deal.

 

It isn’t.

 

Quickly, it becomes clear that Diego can’t bring himself to stay away from Vanya.

 

Eudora considers going to Vanya’s apartment herself and asking her to leave Diego alone but that idea is quickly thrown out. It’s not Vanya’s doing, she isn’t chasing him around, as far as Eudora can see. She’s not sure if Vanya even knows what he’s doing. And if she does, Eudora doesn’t know if she wants to confront that.

 

Then one night, Eudora follows him and he stays at Vanya’s apartment the whole night. He doesn’t come out until the sun is getting ready to rise. Thoughts and images flood her mind and she makes a decision.

 

She calls in sick and takes her time getting home, driving aimlessly. She wants Diego to get there before her. It works and when she walks in the front door, there’s Diego. He looks up guiltily, quickly masking it with an indifferent look and a small smile.

 

“You get called in early?” He asks her. “I had to go meet with a contact.”

 

He never tells her about his contacts unless it pertains to one of her cases so the vague answer doesn’t bother her. The lie does.

 

“No, actually. I called in sick.”

 

“Why?” Diego looks concerned and she wants to punch him for it.

 

“I want you to leave.” Her voice is firm but she can feel herself starting to shake with anger and hurt. “I want you out of my house and I don’t want you to come back.”

 

“Eudora? What’s going on?”

 

She wants to tell him she followed him, that she knows where he was. She wants to scream and cry but he won’t take her seriously is she does.

 

“I’m tired of you constantly leaving in the middle of the night. There’s no telling how many times you’ve left and I haven’t noticed. If you don’t want to be here then you’re not welcome. Now, get your things and get out of my house. This is it. We’re done.”

 

His face shows his confusion and surprise but a little guilt leaks in, too.

 

“I’m sorry.” He tells her, stepping forward and reaching out a hand.

 

“I don’t care.” Her tone is cold and he seems to finally get it as he drops his hand and takes a step back. “Leave.”

 

He does.

 

He leaves and Eudora curls up on the couch and cries. She’d curl up in bed but the sheets smell like him and she needs to wash them. So, she sits on her couch, knees drawn up to her chest and arms around her legs. Her face is pressed to her legs as she sobs, all the hurt filling her body in a way she’d never let it before.

 

**_2x7_ **


End file.
